Thursday, December 27, 2012

English Vinglish - JPR (Fun Collection)

A famous lecturer's(JPR) English...

 *  I have four daughters all are females.

 *   Fathers give girls fresh… I give fathers girls fresh… (Spoken on the opening day!)

 *   We all one umbrella

 *   When Jesus born only some Christiany, one day all Christiany.

 *   Girls girls jingle jingle , boys boys mingle mingle, girls boys no jingle mingle.

 *   Lecturer on why we have a mess in school and use buses: “Bus miss means mess miss… mess miss means hangry… (*hungry)… hangry means angry… then not study”

 *   I went German, My Friend Married… I enjoyed.

 *   I was going on the road in car, suddenly mutton jump onto the road.

 *   On the stage – Two people were talking behind the stage… Suddenly he stops his Speech and turned back angrily: “I Talk; They Talk(audience) Why U Middle middle Talk???”

 *   During First year inaugurations – If Senior to rag the first year, then I arrest the police.

 *   All standing under the tree whos whos class whos whos go

 *   Entry is not important only exit is important!

 *   Boy Boy talk… Girl Girl talk… No boy girl talk… If talk punish Boy !

 *   Boy boy talk no problem… Girl girl talk no problem… Boy girl talk everything problem.

 *   Boys fail in exam and JPR says (scolds in his own style) “You boys, you Jolly coming, jolly going. Unfit to this college, Waste luggage!”

 *   Doctors are from nail to toe – But Engineers are from earth to sky.


 *   On some carol service before Christmas he said,  “As we all know how the Mary got the Jesus… without the help of Joseph!!!”

 *   “You smoke church?? Nooooo!!!! You smoke temple????? Nooooo!!! THEN U DONT SMOKE COLLEGE; COLLEGE  EDUCATION TEMPLE”

 *   All our imports come from foreign countries

 *   I have 400 illegal daughters & 500 illegal sons of 1st year. (He is college VC :-) )

 *   These were the words he spoke on a Teacher’s day… on every Teacher’s day – “A doctor cannot make a doctor; A lawyer cannot make a layer; Engineer cannot make engineer; A teacher can maker doctor, lawyer, engineer, teacher”

* I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?

* Once JPR had come late to a college function, by the time he reached, the function had begun, so he went to the dais, and said, sorry I am late, because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).

* “This college strict u the worry no …. U get good marks, I the happy, tomorrow u get good job, jpr the happy, tomorrow u marry I the enjoy”

*  “No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police”

• At the play ground:

  • All of you stand in a straight circle.
  • There is no wind in the balloon.
  • The girl with the mirror please comes her…{Means: girl with specs please come here).

• While punishing students:

  • You, rotate the ground four times…
  • You, go and understand the tree…
  • You three of you stand together separately.
  • Why are you late – say YES or NO …..(?)

• JPR at his best:
                              JPR had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theater  though the boy did no t see them. So the next day at s school… (to that boy) – “Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theater”

• JPR at his best in the Class room:

  • Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
  • Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
  • Cut an apple into two halves – I will take the bigger half.
  • Shhh…Quiet, boys…the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor
  • You, meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)
  • This one is cool >> “Both of u three get out of the class.”
  • Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today…
  • Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver…..
  • Take 5 cm wire of any length

Funny mails:

Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."

This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
 "as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."

Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."

From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"

An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."

A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."

Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."

Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.

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